Sex Tip #1: Dorm Room Sexual Politics

so, here’s the post that got me kinda kicked out of BigChurch.com.

it’s from Feb 8, 2006.

now, i totally see now that it’s my bad. i kinda forgot the “rules” about profanity they have in there and i totally violated them.

in hind sight i’m not sure how i could have euphemism-ed the whole thing to get the point across without inspiring people to rat me out. at any rate they complained about this post, it got deleted [along with its comments] and my account got nuked. or maybe something just happened with my login. but anyway, i can’t get in there with my old account anymore.

so here it is. and despite the bS about it, i still stand by what i wrote.

while i spent a year in rez at UBC in Vancouver before transfering away, i learned a number of things about boys [and girls too, but that’s later]. so sex tip #1 for Christian girls–especially those of you who are young and just new to this site–goes like this: boys like to cum.

they’ll do anything to cum. they seem to feel that’s the only thing that matters. they’ll do anything to do it. they masturbate tons. they look for girls dressed like they’ll put out and they’ll also try to guage the sexual willingness of girls dressed conservatively.

christian boys are the same. plenty have had sex and are trying to control it, but they still NEED to cum. they just have to be more discrete and political and diplomatic in getting it. even guys in here, which is fine if you ask me, but funny too.

the political thing about gender politics, however, comes when you know that he wants to have plenty of orgasms, preferably with a girl in stead of alone, and you can use that over/with him.

this world is heavily steeped in favour of men. society gives them tons of power. to socially equalize this situation, then, it’s important to find ways of getting some power back…not to lord it over boys, but “to have equal capacity to act” [as my sociology TA once said, she was right].

so one of the things i learned in the dorms, not from Christian boys, predominantly [i’ll get to them in a bit], is to turn their desire to cum into something you control.

case in point, brad. brad is a nice guy but he gets around and doesn’t like relationships. no sweat. he’s nice looking, plays rec hockey and has a nice pair of buns to squeeze. dorm room politics one night led to us rolling around on his bed playing a kind of doctor.

as he got aroused and started pushing to slip it to me, he was in this “i have to cum” place. this is where he doesn’t really care what happens, as long as he cums. so i say, “hey, brad, why don’t you take it out and show me how you masturbate. it’ll really turn me on. i’d like to see it. i’d like to watch. and anyway, yer not getting inside me tonight anyway.”

brad says ok. THEY ALL DO at this point. so then he whips it out and either takes a long time or a short time before squirting. it’s quite fun to watch, of course. then he’s less obsessed with needing to cum in you, or on you or in your mouth or on your face, or on your breasts, wherever they think it would be cool for you [and him, of course], even if they’re wrong. whatever.

so the thing about the boys is that even if they’re not exhibitionists, they’ll likely do this for you. everyone’s got a kind of exhibitionist-voyeur in them. for some people they just won’t let it out cuz it’s quite buried. but other people are quite eager to. he’ll even be flattered that you want to watch.

now, even if you are interested in doing more than watching–like rubbing, touching, licking, sucking–the first time you do this with a particular boy, it’s best to keep it to just watching. leave room for progression. boys are programmed [biologically or socially, whatever] to try to slide their penis in you [any part of you] whenever and however they can. there’s a great deal of urgency too. they’d do it on the first night if they could and then where do you have to progress to.

the other thing, is that even tho he can bring himself to orgasm on his own, thank you very much, he’ll be pretty moved if you do more than just sit there watching. rubbing bits of you that feel good, breasts or pussycat, unbuttoning a few buttons, sliding your bra around or the strap down…all these things are pretty effective for keeping him in the mood.

being aluring for him too is good practice for you to enjoy your body for your own pleasure and for social fun.

so, the whole don’t be unequally yoked thing comes up. plenty of christians are unequally yoked and things work fine. and sometimes it doesn’t work out. but that’s also equally true of marriages among believers.

and if yer in a dorm room just fooling around, should you be yoked to a Christian? sure? no? it’s up to you. you’re not getting married. you’re going to be experimenting with your body and feeling either guilt or pleasure from it. i hope it’s pleasure.

what you do with non-Christian boys will also work with Christian boys. they usually will just be a little less pushy about getting inside you.

the church ladies who roam around in here will have different advice for you. it’s worth listening to, but then you’ve heard that all before anyway.

if you listen to them, you may find yourself in your late 20s, engaged, then married, still a virgin, spending the first mannnnnnnny awkward months of your marriage learning how to be sexual with anything less than pitch black. my divorced Anglican cousin Julie endured this. bad news. more about her in a little while.

also, if you get married without ever having had an orgasm, i’ll just weep for you. female orgasms are not biblically banned. boys’ are. that’s their problem. [actually, it’s not…it becomes ALL our problem, which is why i’m a fan of them ultimately].

in the end, i honour my body. i respect what feels good and what i wish to do. i honour that in other people too. i’m not an ascetic. i don’t beat myself with branches. Jesus is my friend and understands life in a body. the lack of Jesus’ sexuality in the bible is curious to me and a tad unrealistic. but, whatever.

in your dorm room or wherever, it’s important to respect yourself, to acknowledge your feelings, desires, and pleasures and engage in life responsibly.

keep your head out of the sand.

in touch,
holly.

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