Hating the Sin[ner], Loving the Sinner

UPDATED October 25, 2007 [see the end]

ok. yall can be the judge of this.

here is an email exchange between me and this fellow. he’s starting to bug me, and for good reason. i’ve taken the nested replies and reversed the order here so you can read for yourself in order how it has flowed and where it changed. if i’m in the wrong, dear readers, i know you’ll let me know. 🙂

first i get this email [in pink] from a website i’ve signed up at. it’s not spam. then i reply to the email and i get a reply and back and forth for a bit.

Christian Singles Newsletter vol.:2007-5
Dear Friends:

Well hello and welcome to the Christian Dating Service PLUS! September 2007 singles newsletter!

Times sure flies by! Can you believe that Fall is upon us? I don’t know about you, but I absolutely love this time of year. In my neck of the woods we have leaves turning beautiful shades of orange, yellow and red, cool, starlit evenings and the signs of Harvest all around us in the form of pumpkins, corn, cranberries and other choice crops.

Ever notice how Harvest Time always happens at just the right time? It’s a great sign of God’s faithfulness and love for us, in providing exactly what we need to survive and prosper.

I know many reading this may be wondering when their “harvest” regarding that special Christian dating relationship may happen. I personally know how difficult it is in times like these, but as you wait on the Lord for that special someone, pray over these verses:

~If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?~ Romans 8:31,32

Did you know that we have a team of folks praying for you all collectively? But if you have personal
prayer request or want to get in touch with us for some other reason, just let us know anytime 24/7, and we will get back to you promptly. You can also leave your comments on our site.
Hey, do you know that God desires a relationship with you? If you’re not sure about His love and great plan for you life, please be sure to check this out!
Hope you enjoy our Christian Singles Newsletter…Please remember me in your prayers…
Cheers and Blessings!
Romans 15:13
Christian Singles Newsletter Table of Contents:
>>> A Short Announcement
>>> Favorite Singles Cartoon of Month
>>> Christian Dating and Romance Tip
>>> Relationship Quote of the Month
>>> Most Popular Article of Month
>>> A Featured Christian Podcast of the Month from a Church geared toward Singles
>>> Our Favorite Love Song Lyrics of the Month
Note: We need YOU! Christian Dating Service PLUS! is successful because of the Lord and you. We get most of our stuff from you, so if you have a dating tip, a singles related podcast or article, idea topics for our upcoming Forum, a love poem, survey questions or love song lyrics that you’d like to share with tens of thousands of other Christian singles, send it on out. We’ll be happy to use it, and acknowledge you by linking back to you. I figure if we all help each other, we’ll all be blessed in the process. Sounds good?

>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Announcements-
1) As noted in our previous newsletter, a we are getting ready to put up a forum where Christian singles can talk directly with each other on a variety of topics that interests them. If you are interested in helping out, or have any idea about this, please get in touch with us. We get hundreds of singles each month wishing to reach out directly with others, and we see this as a great way to do it.
2) In our last newsletter I wrote that our SINGLES SURVEY results on dating and church attendance would be released on our site on 9/9/07! However, being in the hospital four times in the last few weeks has set us back a week or two. I apologize, and will be releasing results on our site with cool charts shortly. Here are some interesting finding so far:
a) Both single men and single women who avoid church (attend less than 1x per month) gave the top reason for singles doing so is because church is more structured toward married folks. Do you agree or disagree?
b) Never married single gals worry most about money/bills and then their dating life; Never married single guys worry most about dating relationships followed by their careers. What do you make of that?
Feel free to write an article on either one of the survey findings
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> Favorite Singles Cartoon of the Month
Just your typical Christian singles group….
Read here about other Christian singles groups “benefits” you may want to consider.
Special thanks to Jeff Larson at Back Pew Greeting Cards.
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> Christian Dating and Romance Tips-
Top 7 Reasons You May Want to Try Online Christian Dating…

>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> Relationship Quote of the Month-
~Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.~Mark Twain
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>>Most Popular Article of Month-
Inquiring minds want to Know Why Good Christian Girls Date Bad Guys…

>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>>Featured Christian Podcast of the Month from a Church geared toward Singles
Many singles are worried about money, bills and debt….Cheer up, help is on the way:
By the way…do you have an audio or video podcast or MP3 message regarding the Christian single life you would like broadcasted to tens of thousands of singles each month worldwide? Just let us know, and we’ll be glad to help out!
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> Our Favorite Love Song Lyrics of the Month
Have You Ever Been In Love? Celine Dion
Have you ever been in love
You could touch the moonlight
When your heart is shooting stars
You’re holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever walked on air, ever
Felt like you were dreamin’
When you never thought it could
But it really feels that good
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever been in love
You could touch the moonlight
When your heart is shooting stars
You’re holding heaven in your arms
Have you ever been in love?
The time I spent waiting for something
That was heaven sent
When you find it don’t let go
I know…
Have you ever said a prayer
And found that it was answered
All my hope has been restored
I ain’t looking anymore
Have you ever been…
Some place that you ain’t leavin’
Somewhere you gonna stay
When you finally found the meanin’
Have you ever felt this way?
The time I spent waiting for something
That was heaven sent
When you find it don’t let go
I know…
Have you ever been in love?
You could touch the moonlight
You can even reach the stars
Doesn’t matter near or far
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever been in love?
So in love

>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note: You have received this newsletter because you either signed up for it, or were referred by a friend.
To stop receiving this please just
let us know.
© Christian Dating Service PLUS! 2007

holly holly wrote:
thanks for this. nice to get the updates.

tho i can do without celine dion lyrics. i’m so over her. 🙂

in touch,
Sex Tips for Christian Girls

david wrote:

Dear Holly:
You’re a funny chick. Also, although I don’t agree with your views on your blog, you are a very compelling writer. Are you really from Vancouver, I have a cousin, and she’s a pastor there. So tell me what you’re really like?

holly holly wrote:
thanks for the compliments on my humour and writing. both have come a long way in the last half decade.

i consider vancouver my hometown. i grew up 5 hours from there [not going back there] and always gravitate home to vancouver when not at school. i did do a year at ubc there early on. it had its ups and downs, but the city seeped into my heart.

i also attended several different kinds of churches while i was there. which denomination is she a pastor in?

what am i really like? well, i believe in truth. i’ve lived too much of my life with people lying around me so i live a hard core version of truth now. thus my blog. it’s not fiction or fantasy [except for some of the fantasies in there]. it’s me. what am i really like? i think my blog expresses that. that’s what blogs are supposed to do.

and i don’t know you or anything or how old you are, so i don’t know if this would be relevant or out of place, but “chick” is a sexist, demeaning and infantilizing term when applied to a woman. i use it with some of my friends and vice versa. but it isn’t used with strangers. nigger is used by some of my black friends. i don’t use it though, for the same reason. and if you didn’t mean to be demeaning, then i take no offense, but it’s something you should watch out for.

in touch,

david wrote:
what a shame, Holly! for a minute there I thought you were refreshing and interesting and truly liberal in the best sense. Now it appears you are just another politically correct person (chick, babe, slut, hey you fill in the blanks) who lets the speech of others affect them. is it insecurity that effects people in this way? Would you be offended if I told you to kiss my white ass? poor little girl. I’m sure your choice of words in your blog offends people. but do you care? hell no. So grow up Ok? and stop being such a hypocritical weasel. I want you to know that I still love you, so please keep in touch.

holly holly wrote:
just another politically correct person? wow. how can it be so easy to dismiss and minimize me for something honest i say. do you say negro or coloured person to talk about blacks or african americans? would someone be “just another” politically correct black person if they asked you to not refer to them as coloured?

do you refer to single women as miss or ms.? if you say miss, are you offended when people ask you not to? do you say ms.? then my point is made. do you say ms. grudgingly? then you may never GET my point.

so am i insecure or weak if someone else’s speech affects me? if you were to call black people niggers would you expect them to not be offended? wow.

i believe i am strong enough to let someone know when they offend me. if it is weak to be offended, then you may be betraying a white, judeo-christian demographically dominant insensitivity. or maybe that is as out of line, stereotypical and offensive of me as you are continuing to be with me.

and now i’m wondering how you would define a “liberal in the best sense”…what kind of personality traits would make your “best” liberal? i’m not sure i’d WANT to exhibit any of those traits.

i don’t care if your ass is white or not. i’m not offended by you expressing the anger towards me that makes you want me to kiss your ass. i can take that. i can handle that. it’s just a “no thanks” from me.

why do you think i don’t care that people are offended by my blog? how could you possibly know this? i value a greater good that i’m pursuing than just avoiding offending people. if the “language” of my blog were completely unoffensive [which couldn’t happen based on what i write about], then the content would offend people. when people send me emails about what’s wrong with me and my blog [and tina…], they don’t complain about language. they don’t like the content. i respect their feelings. i’ve BEEN where they are. i’ve believed those things. i write my blog to offer girls a sense of another way. if they change, great. if they don’t, fine. everyone chooses their life choices.

i’m only hypocritical in your eyes because you’ve decided you know the answer to the question you ask about me. that’s condescending and presumptuous.

and i’ll tell you something. of all the hate/disagreement email i’ve received from my blog, the ones i respect are from christians who demonstrate consistency in their own responses to my blog. people who act with some sense of respect that i’m a different person from them. people who don’t demonstrate condescension to me while claiming they love me. people who do not slide into demeaning personal attacks. people who are apparently upstanding enough that if they were to run a christian dating website that they’d be able to not tell me to kiss their ass, tell me to grow up, presume they know me enough to speak for me then call me hypocritical and a weasel, then say at the end what has become the bumpersticker of christian fundamentalist hypocrisy: i still love you. after you’ve been this rude to me. hate the sin, love the sinner. does that work with hate the sin [and offend the sinner] and love the sinner? doesn’t wash with me. it never has and you’ve perpetuated why it doesn’t.

i tell you, if i treated people’s complaints about my blog with the dismissiveness as you have treated me when i told you one little thing about how millions of women feel about the word “chick” i think you may have far more problems playing nicely with others than you might think i have.

this is why when i wrote the chick thing i was humble enough to say a few things:

“and i don’t know you or anything or how old you are, so i don’t know if this would be relevant or out of place,”

“and if you didn’t mean to be demeaning, then i take no offense, but it’s something you should watch out for.”

i write these things because i KNOW that i barely know you and email is often tough to get a true sense of a person’s communication style. those were disclaimers that apparently didn’t work. and now i’m thinking it wasn’t worth the effort.

so you still love me and you want me to please keep in touch? my question of you is why? i am not a kind of person who will roll over when people answer questions for me, call me a weasel, tell me to kiss their ass and grow up. i had exactly enough of that kind of controlling behaviour in the church i grew up in. if you wish to try that nonsense on me now any further, you’ll get me assertively telling you to stick your condescension back in whatever twisted interpretation of the bible you MAY feel justifies your way of communicating with virtual perfect strangers.

wow. you are sure a piece of work. in the end, i stand by my words. i wonder if the words you just sent to me you would feel comfortable posting on your own godly christian singles website. in fact, i dare you to post them there. if you are the kind of person with the “integrity” to send these words to me in a private email, are you also the kind of person who is willing to post them on your site?

please reply to this one, because i need to know whether or not to post all of this on MY website. i stand by my words. do you?

in touch,

david butler wrote:

Dear Holly:
Now that’s what I’m looking for! Some spunk and passion! Holly I believe in a free exchange of ideas.I just speak my mind, and if others are offended, well I’m sorry. It’s just not my heart to hurt people. My whole point in my last discourse with you is that people are too sensitive nowadays, and should not be offended by the words of others. You called me a Fundamentalist. I can handle it. (By the way, I’m not a Fundy). Fundamentalists hate my site because I dare talk about Taboo subjects like masturbation. And I am not dismissing or minimizing you. Just stop judging folks by their words. Words mean nothing. It’s actions that count. If you’ve seen hypocrisy in other Christians before, and been hurt by them, you’ve probably had someone say one thing, yet do another. I do love you, and if we were speaking in person, you would see that I am just a REAL and warm and passionate person who love Jesus, but just says it like it is. Of course you can put this on your site, who cares?
Your friend,

holly holly wrote:

well now you’ve got me confused enough to end this.

it’s just not your heart to hurt people, yet you speak your mind and if others are offended you’re sorry. that’s a little inconsistent.

people are too sensitive, so you bait me. ok. i see. that says a lot about you.

you don’t believe people should be offended by others’ words. you still haven’t answered my question about whether you call black people niggers. i assume you don’t. if you don’t you’re lying about people shouldn’t be offended by others’ words. if you do call black people niggers, you are disgusting. either way, this makes you look at best inconsistent, at worst sociopathic.

your love for me is extraordinarily uncomfortable with your ease at abusing me, then saying you don’t wish to offend. this is classic mind-fuck. you are a sick person.

words do not mean nothing. if you truly believe they don’t, you should start saying nigger regularly and see what nothing means. if you think words OUGHT to mean nothing, you haven’t experienced systemic discrimination or abuse as many minorities have. i pity your privilege.

you are a sad, inconsistent individual with a godly sounding website and a heart of manipulation and self-centredness.

and you sign it “your friend”. this shows how clearly deluded you are. if you believe i can see you as a friend because you say you love me i truly weep for your sense of reality.

do not contact me again.

no longer in touch,

And the final nail in this fuck’s coffin: he’s been full of lies. It’s like that old cartoon that shows two dogs, one on a computer, saying to the other “On the internet noone knows you’re a dog.” And there’s always a chance that he isn’t the brother, but the fellow himself trying to distance himself from his pig-dogness. Either way, he re-affirms my sense of the depravity of people. I’m just glad that real people in my life are honest…and many online too, which is nice. But this guy’s a prick:

david butler wrote:

This is the classic attack of a liberal who is not really liberal: Instead of attacking the issue..you attack the person…..By the way, I don’t run this web site, nor do I write for it or believe in it. My brother David does….He needed used MY email address (see above) write his stupid ass newsletter to all you people because his server broke down one day….Me…I was just having fun with all you sad idiots who have no better time than to read his shit….so gullible…
By the way, if you’re ever in seattle, drop by and have a drink with me at college avenue southwest. You obviously need a man(23) in your life.

One Response

  1. Holly please forgive me! while I was in the hospital I had my brother send out my newsletter from HIS address at dfbmediator@yahoo.com…You are the 5oth person he has managed to offend. I apologize profusely, and would love you to write and article on our site regarding your views.I have written about my hospital experience in my 9/07 archives at Christian Singles Radio Blog. Anyway, I don’t use the n word and I do respect women like yourself. Can you ever forgive us?


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