Weeping Over Family Tragedies

Warning: this post contains some real tragedy, no sex tips, nothing light, but everything of substance. Have tissues nearby.

I originally started this post a few days ago when I heard about #1, but then before I could finish it I heard about #2 and #3.

The delays have come from my ovaries sobbing. I’ve had a few random bouts of weeping when I think about or tell friends about these events. Google them to get correct facts. I won’t read the stories anymore so I may have drifted from total accuracy.

I think it means I want to be a mommy. Not today. Not 22 months ago when I was pregnant for several days. But sooner than never.

Seriously. Get your tissues.

#1

A woman in England was 7 months pregnant. She had a teenage son, his 2 friends and her toddler in her car. It went off the road and into 6 feet of water. She got out of the car, but HAD TO CHOOSE WHO TO SAVE NEXT when she went back down. She got her toddler out, but she couldn’t save her son. His friends were able to escape the car. There was something about his window being closed which hurt his ability to get out, and that the mom asked him to close his window some time before the accident because it was too windy for the toddler in the back. Tragedy with a Sophie’s choice mixed in. Brutal. Fucking brutal.

#2

A Vancouver man was driving on one of the San Juan Islands in Washington State. In the car was his wife, also 7 months pregnant. An SUV coming from the opposite direction, crossed the centre line, threatening to hit their car. The nature of the events were such that the only thing he could do to avoid a head-on collision what would have killed them both was to turn the wheel of his car so the SUV hit his side of the car, to give his wife and unborn baby a chance to survive. They did. He didn’t. Fucking brutal.

#3

I’m not all sentimental about 9/11. It’s been a horrible decade in part because of it, but also because of what lots of evil bastards in the world did in response. Bush, etc. Nuff said. But I saw something this weekend about 9/11 that got me all weeping again. It was something about the thousand of unidentified body parts recovered from ground zero. And that one of the most heartbreaking ones was a man’s fist tightly holding a child’s hand. I cannot even stomach that.

So.

Hug the ones you love. Hard.

And let the tears fall where they may.

“Debating” Patriotic, Christian, American Zealots

Wow. I love these wierd encounters in Twitter. I just ran across an American who is going on about how their empire’s decline is party of God’s plan for the second coming. I’ve heard that a lot before from egocentric Americans. I could make the same argument for Britain 100 years ago. Awful of me to be a history teacher and know a bit about past empires.

Anyways.

I’m trying to see if this person could explain to me coherently why America is at the centre of God’s plan. Here’s my Twitter conversation with SeasonsOfGrace. Crazy, man, just crazy shit.
@SeasonsOfGrace i’m sorry, what does jesus have to do with america’s decline? i don’t get that. 42 minutes ago via HootSuite

@HollyOrzabal If you are a Christian, you should know this. Study that Bible! STUDY IT! Read every day. That is God’s word to you! 30 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace i am. i do. i was just wondering why so many americans think the state of their empire has something to do with His return. 32 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@SeasonsOfGrace well, since “america” isn’t in the bible, i was looking for more than a fortune cookie answer. 26 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal A fortune cookie? I’m no Chinese restaurant. I’m a Christian and I speak about these topics that is ALL. I’m ready to go, R U? 23 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace isn’t He coming for me too? i’m a canadian. 26 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal I didn’t ask if you were a canadian? I asked if you were a Christian. I still ask, do you read and study your Bible? 24 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace i already answered that. i am a christian and i read the bible. can you tell me why the state of america’s empire matters? 23 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal I say this in all sincerity and love, if you must ask if He’s coming for you; perhaps you need to have a LONG talk with Him. 22 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace i’m not asking if he’s coming for me. i know he is. what’s up with the “america” thing? you sound like a bot. 20 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal America has been and was founded on Godly principles. Our Constitution is based upon God. We have been so blessed…. 19 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal We’ve been the world’s superpower for many years. Why? Because we were a Godly nation. Now we are not. And we are failing. 19 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal God said, “I will bless those who bless thee &curse those who curse thee” speaking of Israel.What is the US doing to Israel? 18 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal America has a LOT to do with the end times. But you live in socialism and you are not free, you don’t know what we know… 17 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace standard america=centre of the universe stuff. ok. nuff said. how does this interpretation speak to christians in fiji? 16 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal Well, I’m sorry if you think I sound like a bot. I’m just telling you the WAY IT IS. If you can’t accept that,then don’t read. 17 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal Obviously you know nothing about our history (but many Americans don’t either) and you are NOT AMERICAN. We are not canadians. 16 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace i’m a history teacher. i spent 2 weeks in dc 4 years ago. i know more of your history than you likely know of mine. 13 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal No, you are wrong. Our country IS important to us.That is 1 difference.We love our country,we are patriotic.We R fighting now 13 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace i live in socialism? you are deluded. how am i not free? we have a constitution and charter of rights. get educated. 12 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal We are fighting for our freedom. We don’t appreciate socialism, we don’t want the government to “give” us things. 12 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal I am speaking from my heart, what the Holy Spirit put on it. If you have a problem with Americans STAY IN CANADA. 12 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal I know a lot. But I’m not debating you. You are ignorant. You are a bot because you are TOLD what you can and cannot do. 11 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@HollyOrzabal History teacher, I am praying for you.Open that Bible and read it. Ask Jesus to forgive you for your sins and you will be free 10 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace who tells me what i can and can’t do? 9 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

@HollyOrzabal LOL. Right. Canada is SOCIALIST. I’m not debating with YOU. I am talking about God and you are trying to distract me. 9 minutes ago via web in reply to HollyOrzabal

@SeasonsOfGrace are you praying for me because being a history teach is bad or because it’s important? 8 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

Pffft! the Canadian socialist is gone. I’m sorry friends. But I will not debate freedom AND GOD in the same conversation. Satan abounds. 8 minutes ago via web

@SeasonsOfGrace i’m honestly not trying to distract you. cuba, venezuela, n.korea, china are socialist. i have just free healthcare & K-12. 5 minutes ago via HootSuite in reply to SeasonsOfGrace

Facebook Sucks. I’m Doing Twitter Now.

So 13 months ago, i shut off my internet life. lotsa things going on, lotsa stress in real life. lotsa reasons to stop this blog.

But something happened around that time that was kinda internet karma. someone reported me as inappropriate in Facebook. which is true. i’m pretty inappropriate. 🙂

But with Facebook’s fucked up sense of “OK”, it was destined to happen. i got bounced from Facebook twice before i figured out how not to get canned. losers.

But 13 months ago, it was a good time to leave and make a clean break. the trouble is, i lost touch with lotsa decent folks. and a fair share of sleazeballs who were fun to banter with. i don’t miss them. but the good people, i kinda miss them. but life goes on and they’ll cycle back in my life or not. there are almost 7 billion people in the world and billions of them are quality individuals.

So now i’m back into the blogging thing. i have lots more to say. i have lots to catch up on from my time offline.

And i’m doing it in twitter. not because it’s better than facebook, but because it’s different and less fucked up. short and sweet. like me. <blush> lol

And facebook has all that privacy bullshit and all the data mining, etc. i like the telegraph sense of twitter. who cares if homeland security is watching me in the open in twitter. i have nothing to hide and they don’t care about getting canadian teachers fired.

So it’s now retweet land for me. we’ll see how that all goes.

In touch,

Holly!

Fucking Catholic Boys who have Girlfriends

I guess this makes me a homewrecker, but i care only to a certain extent.

i don’t “get” catholicism. i’m protestant so i’m pre-disposed to not get it, but that’s ok. i know i’m a bit ignorant so i don’t judge much.

but i met a nice catholic boy at a conference/workshop i was at this weekend at my university. it was a grad student workshop that a friend of mine invited me to.

and even though i have my Ash, the boytoy of the year, i must admit to not really having had sex with pretty much any other guy in over six months, well actually going back to august in vancouver.

so i meet “Kevin” friday night and he’s cute. good for him. he’s from another university a few hours away. and he’s presenting an essay during one of the saturday sessions. i go see him read his piece. he’s cute. sue me. 🙂

i don’t really get all he’s talking about. i am a history major and it was a history conference, but his take on things was at times way over my head. but that’s ok. i’m still learning. we all are.

so saturday night a bunch of us hit the pub. i drink. it’s fun. and kevin’s cute and a bit flirty but not too much, just sociably so i guess. and after a while we start chatting. all about his life growing up, 23, altar boy, cousin is a priest, gramma goes to church/mass like 4 times a week. interesting guy. and he’s staying at the motel most of the out of towners are staying at. and i’ve had enough. i know i’d like to get it on with him. and this is cool cuz as i said, it’s been a while since i’ve really cruised a boy. and i’m not shy about being horny. and i also know lotsa guys [especially “nice” guys] are a little shocked by my desire to fuck them. but that’s ok. everyone’s learning. 🙂

so i say, kevin, the number is 4. 4 what he says. i say 4 is the number of times i wanna make him cum in the next 10 hours [which is the start time of the sunday morning workshops back on campus]. and it’s not too dark to see him blush a bit. and i ask if he’s got a roomate in his motel room. and he’s like, no, but he’s got a girlfriend at home. Vittoria. Not Victoria. and for once in this blog that’s her real name. it’s too pretty to pseudonym her. and she’ll never read this anyway, i’m certain.

and i’m like, ok. no sweat. what’s she like. and he goes on and on and on and on about her. which is interesting. way more then just filing me in on her personality. so i listen. she sounds awesome. 1st generation canadian-italian. a mature 20 year old. folks own a deli at home. he met her there 2 years ago. she’s taking a bookkeeping course and wants to run the deli when her folks retire to their [imaginary] Tuscany villa. she runs catechism classes for little kids. wants children, likes robbie williams a lot. and enrique iglasias. [good taste there].

and on and on. and that’s cool. it’s like he’s saying hey, i really like this girl so here’s everything about how awesome she is so you know that i’m really into her and so we can’t do anything. and that’s cool. but i’m keeping my back door open just in case “he doth protest too much.” which is funny but who knows. right?

but beyond that he’s a nice nice guy. and that’s worth alot.

so we keep talking and we get onto religion. which is where i learn the catechism word [above]. and he tells me about catholicism from his point of view and i talk about crazy fucked up born again protestantism and reverent agnosticism and loving, gay-friendly churches i know and unitarians i’ve met in my life. good times.

and i then mention this blog. and he likes his beer and so do i. so we pick up a case of Alexander Keith off-sales and head back to his room so i can show him my blog. but that’s all, he says! and i’m like, sure. no sweat. but in the back of my mind is the back door.

so we go back to his crappy motel room and he fires up the net and reads the first few posts of this blog. they start slow but get better.

he’s modest but i know his boner is there. yay! my back door is unlocked. and i’m just lying on his bed sorta trying to keep it from spinning by drinking more beer and waiting for him to read enough to wanna chat about it.

and by the time he gets to the dorm room sexual politics post he starts talking about sex. he says he feels comfortable talking with me about things, which is true. 🙂 i’m easy to talk to.

and he talks about how i’m pretty correct about lotsa the stuff in that post about boys liking to cum. and he says Vittoria knows that too and they’re good young catholics so they haven’t fucked, but he says she really likes to give him hand jobs. tons of fun for her, he says. and that’s cool. good for her. and him too! she likes to watch his face as he squirts.

and he says he agrees with my post about how masterbation is banned in the bible and that’s bunk because it really fucks up male-female relationships in society.

and the best part of the post he says, is the thing about girls inspiring guys when they’re masterbating for us.

he says he has never seen Vittoria naked. not her boobs i ask? he says he saw most of them once. sun dress, too loose bra. not her nipples? no he says. but he feels them on his chest enough. his answers at this point are cute. honest, to the point, but short. and answered in a way that says, ok next question at the end. so i keep asking questions.

have you felt her boobs? nope. would you like to? yes. ah too bad. marriage, he says, we’re engaged to be engaged he says and they can wait. then he says he wants to get more physical with her when they’re actually engaged, but he’s never brought it up with her. he just hopes it’ll go that way. i tell him he should bring it up in a talk. ya gotta talk about these things.

more questions. so you haven’t seen her pussy? no. tho he says he enjoys staring at it at her pool in her bathing suit. sunglasses keep her from seeing him just looooooooooking at it. i ask if he’s sure she can’t see, cuz girls often know alot more than guys think we do. and he blushes. and i’m like, hey, it’s a goooood thing if she knows you are looking at her pussy.

so you haven’t touched her pussy? no. her ass? yeah, he says she likes him to rub it.

so the 64 million dollar question: how do you live with the double standard. huh? she gives you handjobs, sees your cock, feels it, strokes it and makes it cum, but you don’t have the same access to her. he dodges the question by adding that she sucks it too sometimes. ok, nice. do you cum in her mouth? no, she doesn’t want to do that. so you have to warn her when yer gonna cum? yeah. dyou ever miss the warning? once. not good. she didn’t suck it again for a long time after that. just hand jobs.

so i go back to the big question. he’s like, well she’s really modest about her body and wants to save it for marriage for me. and he says he can respect that and cuz he does, he doesn’t wanna push that. even though you’d like to see her naked? yeah. and play with her body? yeah. and fuck her? yeah.

i see. then he says that she understands that boys like to cum. smart girl. so she knows that she should help him do that. that’ll keep his eye from wandering, she says. i say, yeah, but once she goes down that road with you, it tends to want to progress and not progressing could lead to wandering eye. he kinda nods at that one.

so does she masterbate? he doesn’t know. what? he says they never talk about it, like masterbating is a guy thing. IT’S NOT. i don’t actually yell it, but i’m emphatic. totally. that might be a problem. i hope she does, but it sounds like she might not. he says he also thinks she might not.

so i say the thing you liked in my blog post is that i think it’s a good idea for girls to strip a bit and rub themselves when boys are masterbating for us? yeah. and she doesn’t do that for you? no. but that’s ok, cuz he can sure get off without that, mostly cuz he’s imagining her naked.

yes. i see. [at this point i feel like a total therapist]

so i say i see your problem. what problem, he asks. 🙂

and i believe him that he didn’t know what his problem was. too cute.

so i say total matter of fact, dyou think i’m attractive? yes. ok, if you were single would you go out on a date with me? yes. would you kiss me if it came up? yes. and if we got all nasty would you go for me? yes, but he’s trying to stay celibate until he gets married. ah.

so yer a virgin? well, no. he had sex several times with a 2 girls in high school. [another person who got to enjoy sex in high school, unlike me. grrr.] were you any good? he says he thinks so. did you enjoy it? ya totally, except for feeling bad about it afterwards.

it seems the second girl he had sex with is the one he had most of the sex with. when they broke up, she broke it off. catholic guilt. she didn’t blame him or anything, she blamed herself [and in part him] but she could have said no. but he REALLY blamed himself. and he’s been celibate for years now. wow.

so i say, when you’re with Vittoria and you cum, is she always the one who makes you cum, or do you masterbate for her? and he says its just the handjobs and sucking. does she ever ask you to masterbate for her? no. dyou ever ask if she wants to see it? no. well, you should. 🙂 i know, he says. but you masterbate on your own, though, right? yeah, for sure. and what do you think of? her, us, sometimes other girls.

so, i say. i understand that you don’t want to fuck me, even if you wanted to…nice pause from him there…[back door]…but dyou want to masterbate for me? yes, i think i would, he says. ok. would you like me to inspire you? yes, he says. and then would you like to watch me masterbate? yes. then i say, i’d go first, but then you’d probly cum before i’m done and where’s the fun in that. yeah, he says.

so i move to the foot of the bed and he sits at the head, leaning against the wall and he opens his pants and pulls it out. nice cock. about 5 inches long, kinda thin, but well-loved. i can tell. and after a few seconds he looks at me. so i open my top and let him see my bra and i run my finger along my boobs and over my belly and thighs.

after a few minutes, he slides out of his pants and boxers and keeps going, more intently now. so now i start rubbing on my pussy over my jeans. and i take off my top and bra completely. and push my boob with my upper right arm. and presto, he cums. just beautiful! a bunch up his arm, lots on his shirt. some on his thigh. and a really rich moan. and a smile. wow, he says, i like your boobs. thanks, i say! me too, as do millions!

i hop into the bathroom to get a hand towel for him. dyou want me to? he says no, he’ll do it. 🙂

so we crack a couple more beers and i say you should tell Vittoria you want to masterbate for her. yes, i should, he says. and you dont’ even have to ask her to do anything for you. she just might no matter what. then you react based on what happens. yeah, he says.

so he’s quiet, so i say, my turn? he nods and smiles.

so he gets my ass-play moves. i hop onto the floor and face away from him and start rubbing my ass, then moving my hands into my pants to continue. i open my jeans and zip down then slide them down, and keep rubbing my bum for him. and he’s already starting to get hard again, about half way back to total boner.

so i pull up my panties and rub my cheeks. then i spread my legs and bend over to rub my crotch. you like, i say? yes, he says, with a scratchy voice.

so off go my panties and i rub my bum while showing him my ass and pussy. i’m quite wet now.

i climb on the bed and tell him we need to trade places. he sits at the foot as i lean against the wall and spread my legs for him. have you ever licked a pussy? no. ah, too bad…[maybe at some point to night he will].

i pour some beer on my nipples and slide it around, then lick it up. then i just go for my clit and start working it. after several seconds, i see he’s hard again and i stop my clit [masochist me i guess] and open my labia and slide a finger inside for a while. i see he starts rubbing his cock again. very nice.

then when my masochism kills me i go back to my clit and go until i cum. tons of fun. truly.

and during this i stopped watching him. he may have cum again, but i doubt it. he sure rubbed tho.

and by this time, we’re both quite wiped and drunk and i suggest we crash. we end up sharing the bed. i wear my panties and top and him in his shorts. all innocent [to a degree i guess]. 🙂

we set a wakeup call early enough for me to head home for new clothes before going back to campus. then we snooze.

twice i woke up. once, i felt his hard cock on my ass. i’m “sure” he was asleep, but if not, i’m cool with it. the other time i wake up, its his hand lying on the bed but beside my bum. totally innocent there. but i tell ya, i wouldn’t have minded waking up and a cock in my hand and a request to slide it in me. i’d take it.

and in the morning when the fone rings, i hit the bathroom and come back to see if he wants to shower with me. no touching if you want, just masterbating. he says sure. 🙂

once in the tub, i start with my boobs and can see he’s gonna need to go first. so i don’t think i’m gonna get to fuck him, so i say, hey, would you like me to suck you off? i don’t mind if you cum in my mouth. and in mid rub he’s like, yes ok please. so i kneel down and it doesn’t take long with his morning wood. he has a gentle, but powerful cock. i’m no deep throat sucker, so when he cums he tries to ram his cock down my throat. after a bit of almost gagging, i hold him back well enough to tease out his cum.

he is just amazed at watching me swallow it. a real turn on for him. so sweet.

so then i sit down in the tub and get him to point the crappy 99 cent shower head onto my pussy. the water’s nice but far from strong enough to make me cum, so i get to rubbing. after a few minutes, i ask if he’d like to learn how to suck me. i was sure he’d say yes. but he doesn’t. he says that would be too much. i can see some catholic guilt starting to creep ont his face. [or what i think is catholic guilt]

so on my own i have a nice, pleasant looooooooooong ten minute rubbing time before cumming. dyou like watching me cum? yes, he says. well, your homework is to make sure you get to a place with Vittoria, however long it takes, when you can watch her make herself cum. it’s an amazing gift to share. ok? yes, very good idea.

and the rest of our time that morning was quite cordial and not to deep. eventually i went home to change. we saw each other sunday a couple times and sat together for lunch at a table with some saturday night buds.

and when he got into his car to head back home, i said to keep in touch if he wants, however platonically he wants. and if he doesn’t want to, that’s totally cool too, but i hoped he would. and then i asked if i could put our night onto my blog. expecting hesitancy, he said yes. i was a little surprised, but quite happy.

hi “kevin”! thanks for this. i wish you well in your relationship. you deserve great happiness. and from what it sounds like, so does Vittoria. be well and keep in touch [if you want!]