Even Christians Need Gaydar

I had the mildly unpleasant duty of telling my friend Charlotte that the boy she has a crush on is gay. Bi, at the very least.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that… 🙂

Being bi myself, I can’t really judge Charlotte’s boy at all. But the unfortunate part of all this is that Charlotte assumes everyone at her church is straight…because they’re at her church.

Being Christian doesn’t mean you’re straight. Most Christians are straight because most people are mostly straight.

Christians at conservative not-so-gay friendly churches are not allowed to be gay. And if they are, as long as they don’t partake of any gay sex, they’re technically not sinning.

Christians at progressive, liberal churches can be as gay as they like.

But my dear Charlotte has liked this boy for some time now. She’s spoken of him often and last sunday I attended her church, mostly to see this dude. She insisted I wear a bra, btw.  🙂

So in about 10 seconds after meeting this guy, I knew he was gay. And he, of course, doesn’t know she has a crush on him. I can’t tell if he knows he’s gay or if he’s just ok with being who he is. He just seems to like Charlotte. And why not. She’s awesome.

But the assumption that males at conservative churches are worth being attracted to because they’re not gay for sure, is a bad one. It means girls don’t have to cultivate gaydar. This can be a debilitating disease.

Now, our agenda is to figure out why Charlotte is falling for a gay guy. Has she done this in the past? What has been her relationship like with her father? Is she looking for a safe guy to avoid real sex pressures or actual commitment?

These are the questions we are now talking about.

And maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe Charlotte just lacks gaydar. But either way, we’re going to get to the bottom of it!

In touch,

Holly

Weeping Over Family Tragedies

Warning: this post contains some real tragedy, no sex tips, nothing light, but everything of substance. Have tissues nearby.

I originally started this post a few days ago when I heard about #1, but then before I could finish it I heard about #2 and #3.

The delays have come from my ovaries sobbing. I’ve had a few random bouts of weeping when I think about or tell friends about these events. Google them to get correct facts. I won’t read the stories anymore so I may have drifted from total accuracy.

I think it means I want to be a mommy. Not today. Not 22 months ago when I was pregnant for several days. But sooner than never.

Seriously. Get your tissues.

#1

A woman in England was 7 months pregnant. She had a teenage son, his 2 friends and her toddler in her car. It went off the road and into 6 feet of water. She got out of the car, but HAD TO CHOOSE WHO TO SAVE NEXT when she went back down. She got her toddler out, but she couldn’t save her son. His friends were able to escape the car. There was something about his window being closed which hurt his ability to get out, and that the mom asked him to close his window some time before the accident because it was too windy for the toddler in the back. Tragedy with a Sophie’s choice mixed in. Brutal. Fucking brutal.

#2

A Vancouver man was driving on one of the San Juan Islands in Washington State. In the car was his wife, also 7 months pregnant. An SUV coming from the opposite direction, crossed the centre line, threatening to hit their car. The nature of the events were such that the only thing he could do to avoid a head-on collision what would have killed them both was to turn the wheel of his car so the SUV hit his side of the car, to give his wife and unborn baby a chance to survive. They did. He didn’t. Fucking brutal.

#3

I’m not all sentimental about 9/11. It’s been a horrible decade in part because of it, but also because of what lots of evil bastards in the world did in response. Bush, etc. Nuff said. But I saw something this weekend about 9/11 that got me all weeping again. It was something about the thousand of unidentified body parts recovered from ground zero. And that one of the most heartbreaking ones was a man’s fist tightly holding a child’s hand. I cannot even stomach that.

So.

Hug the ones you love. Hard.

And let the tears fall where they may.

6 Reasons to Have Casual Sex? Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes

6 Reasons to Have Casual Sex | Sex & Relationships | AlterNet.

ok, so i’m down for all 6.

1. Asserting your desires can create a tremendous sense of power.

Yes.

2. It might help you transcend your inhibitions.

“This is the very target at which critics aim their arrows—how can women enjoy sex without an emotional connection?!—but this lack of investment can be freeing. It’s the same relative anonymity that causes some people to blurt out their deepest secrets to their hairdresser or a taxi driver.”

yes, or the girl in the coffee shop in montreal. then you start dating. then you drag her back to vancouver with you and put her pix at the top of your blog! 🙂

so true!

3. You’ll learn more about your sexuality

um, fuck yeah.

4. You might learn about yourself emotionally

“The fear and propaganda around one-night stands isn’t just sexist, it’s illogical. Bad long-term relationships involving miscommunication, unmet expectations, and lies are just as likely to damage participants as any sexual disappointment on a short-term scale.”

this is why i gleefully call myself a whore. to defuse the judgement that i get as a loose woman, when men are admired for the same behaviour.

5. You might be a better partner in a committed sexual relationship

“If you’ve experienced sex as a vehicle for relatively emotionally uncomplicated pleasure, you may even be less likely to go along with sex you don’t want, or to seize upon sex as a tool for manipulation.”

life’s short. try it once, if you don’t like it, move on. ok, maybe try it twice with a second partner. 🙂

“Another recent study, one conducted on 1,311 Minnesotans between the ages of 18 and 24, found that there was no correlation between emotional or mental distress and casual sex.”

liberation!

6. You’ll learn more about sex

liberation, some more.

jury’s in. get on it.

and to celebrate, the next cute chick i see in a coffee shop, sorry not starbucks tho, i’m going to flip my hair, bat my eye lashes and lean in close to see if she’d like to fuck me.

who will join me on this grand quest!?

Sex Tip #18: Respect People’s Celibacy Choices

Like the title says. Respect it.

The lesson I learned over the last few weeks creates that truth for me. Holly has helped me through it enough to write about it, appreciating moments of real contact [not just physically], and where I needed to learn where the line is/was. XOXO Holly sweet.

It is marvelous to have Holly back in Vancouver. Hanging out is good. Wreck Beach is just what I need. And the booze and pot and sex and movies and pot luck dinners and picnics with vodka coolers make me know that Holly is a core part of my life for a long time. Amen amen amen.

And now that Holly is going to my/our church quite regularly now we have become a social item. Not a dating item. We aren’t dating [technically, just the benefits].

But people know us. And they know us as a pair.

And Holly likes some of the boys. Not enough to date, but enough to enjoy the view and flirting.

And then there’s Randy. He is new to town, doing his Masters of Divinity and has spent the last several weeks at our evening service. I think he has a training gig lined up for mornings somewhere. Somewhere where no one puts their arms in the air when they feel moved. 🙂

Randy is sweet, has awesome wavy flowing hair, is 29, 1/4 Korean, and not too tall. Not that height is a dealbreaker. 🙂

Holly got to him first one evening after the “show” as she calls it when it’s a bit shlocky. And we went for coffee with him and a few other folks. Coffee meant martinis for a few of us. Slippy in the throat. Yes.

Lotsa talk. Lotsa fun. Phone numbers and last names for Facebook friendship go around.

And the next day I phone him from work and arrange a light dinner for that night.

Open relationships have their benefits. Gordon is a dream, but we both appreciate the fun of variety. I should really go into some of that all in that last several months. But that’s that.

Over the course of 4 times over the next 2 weeks or so before it all crashed to the ground, to put it simply, I tried to get Randy to have sex with me.

I liked him splendidly. He was richly interesting. He had a deep soul.

And he had been, in a previous life, a married furniture assembler with a gambling problem who found a good 12-step program, Jesus and a calling to go into social work and the chaplaincy. Totally respectable. And fascinating.

His marriage ended before his gambling did. Her call. I get that. He had overcome quite a bit, but the broken marriage was the heaviest as it all happened before he knew God and so his frame of dealing with a divorce was after the events. An awkward thing.

And he told me about the times he and his ex met for coffee to work on their shit [“stuff”]. Really endearing.

But he is also a born-again virgin, which i find out on our 3rd date. Which I totally respect. Except I didn’t really. And that’s on me. I’ll accept that.

So when we first went out for dinner, it was casual and fun and we both had a good time. I kissed him goodnight. He was into it. And enjoyed his warmth.

So we plan a post-dinner drink the next night. He had a family thing for dinner.

So I wore a light jumper and cami and no bra. I felt amazing.

Drinks and chatting were nice. I was warm and casual and tipsy and we held hands lots. I knew he was taking in my breasts. BAV, but not dead. I felt good.

We ended the night kissing and hugging. I got in some good glancing nipple rubbing on his chest. Very nice. But the night ended without anything more. I bide time.

Then on the Saturday we walk the seawall a bit. Light, purple skirt past the knee, no panty. Going commando. And the whole braless thing again with a lose scoop T and cami again.

And when we make it around to Lumberman’s Arch we find some nice shady grass aside some bushes and lie down to nibble the baguette and drink some cool beverages.

My goal was to green light him, not for there then, but in general. Such a whore, I know. I’ve come to terms with that.

I arranged myself so that I was lying somewhat under him with his back facing away from the bushes. Under cover of his legs on mine, I slid my skirt up a bit and flowed my hand to my pussy for some comfort. Hoping he’d follow my lead. He did eventually. And he showed slight startle at what he found in there. 🙂 Yay!

He was enjoying the heat and wet and hair and slippy skin. I liked him there greatly!

And after a bit of time there I rolled over onto him. His shorts were not thick. Spreading my skirt up so it was pussy on shorts I/we had a nice time. No bouncing or monster grinding. Just pleasure. Some cleavage leaning. And I spent a good amount of time with my eyes closed, moving my hips oh so gently. Luscious.

And after a time I lied back down to spoon. Felt his cock on my ass. Very nice.

And we walk back and he drives me home and kissing goodbye, I touch his cock and ask him if he’d like me and his friend to get to know each other better. And then he starts telling me about his BAVity. And I feel in part like an ass, but far moreso frustrated. That is me being selfish. I own that too.

And we part well. And I go in and rub off an O.

So the next Friday night we have coffee. And we talk. And do the getting to you know more deeply thing. But the whole time I live a deep sadness that we’re on different pages.

And I know it’s going nowhere because though I like him a lot, I don’t like him enough [or is that even the issue? Holly?] to stay celibate with him.

And towards the end of that night we both start talking about the elephant in the Starbucks. And we just agree that that’s that. Still friends, or is it “friends”.

And as much as I replay it all in my mind, I don’t come up with ways of being different. If he had mentioned BAV before our 3rd date it just would have ended earlier.

Holly says I’m swimming in whore guilt. That he will think I’m the slut I’d be seen as by most in the church. In part true. Mostly something different though.

Mostly sad that his circumstance were/becomes different.

Mourning what would otherwise have been. And it’s sad.

But the lesson is important. To respect people’s choices. Because in the end, you can build nothing casual or serious when one person does not sincerely accept where the other person is.

Dreamily,

Tina

Cumming to Vancouver…Arrival

what is with this fucking rain.

i know i’m the first to say vancouver isn’t rain city for 5 months in the summer, but i’ve been back a few days and now its pouring.

a few things i’ve noticed since i last left 8 months ago.

– there is snow on grouse mountain. all the way to the bottom of the runs. wtf, climate change anyone? someone at the airport said it is el nino. could be, but fuck. cyclone in burma kills 30k and fuckers are skiing in vancouver in may. wtf i say.

– there seems to be a store selling big jugs of bottled water every fucking 6 blocks now. what the hell is wrong with our water? NOTHING. hear me? NOTHING!

– i promised diane to swing by maiwa on granville island to see if my uber-crush is still there. haven’t made it yet. search for maiwa on my blog to read about this goddess!

– diane’s convinced she’ll be in a porn by the end of the month. sure vancouver is no montreal, but a girl’s gotta know that money flows from 43 year old men’s cumming penises on the internet machine!

– haven’t actually hit wreck beach yet. but they say next weekend won’t have rain and it’ll get above 20 degrees. look out wreck. i’m coming!

– in my time back so far i’ve spent some quality time with buddy, his new psuedo-girlfriend, sanna and buddy’s bro [still going], tina and her friend and a host of others that have yet to make it into the blog. maybe this summer is it for some of them?

– my uncle pete is due to hit town when the bard on the beach opens in a few weeks. i will have LOTS to say about him then. hurry unc!

– my joint/orgasm/hour count now that i’ve been in vancouver for 81 hours is about 1:7.5 hours. can i keep that ratio up all summer?

– buddy’s psuedo-girlfriend is not bi. she doesnt want girls involved with her pussy. i respect that. i also like her lots. buddy has good taste. 🙂 and she doesn’t particularly want to watch buddy fuck me. amazing. this will be interesting. 🙂 diane wants to make her cum. i respect her quests!

that’s it for now. when the fucking sun shows up reliably i’ll have more to add.

and sex tips for christian girls? hmmm. tina’s developed a sex only relationship with a 21 year old boy at her church. he’s dating [casually] another girl at the church who’s 18 and a virgin virgin. not even a born again virgin. tina is a church slut.

the sex tip…virgin christian girls: your bf is probly not having sex with other girls. but they might be. the advice? me and tina couldn’t come up with any. maybe we’re not the ones to come up with it tho. 🙂

in touch,
holly

Sex Tip #13: Jealousy is a Monster, Put it on the Table

OK in recent weeks, Ash, my boytoy at school has been dating another woman. Which is fine in our open relationship.

And since I’m going back to Vancouver in May after I graduate, I’m ok with him finding a new home for his loving.

“Megan” is not bi. I forgive her. 🙂

Megan is also 20. And while she’s no child, she is younger than me. I am jealous. I won’t pretend I’m not.

I wish Megan were bi. I’m jealous of her and Ash because they are enjoying each other’s bodies [and everything else]. I think of my Maiwa girl [who I’ve never spoken to] and she isn’t really mine but i can’t have her. Jealous of those who do get her.

Megan is lots like me, personality wise so we get along when we aren’t jokingly competing for attention. She happens to be quite a bit taller then me, as is Ash. She has strawberry blonde hair, smaller lips [tho cuter than mine i think], smaller hips and larger breasts. It’s all comparison with me.

I envy things about her that are different from me because they are different from me. Not cuz they’re better. Though some days i think they are. But that’s just anxiety.

Not being bi, Megan hasn’t really explored too much. The most wild she’s gotten was in high school dating 3 guys at once over the course of grade 11. She was only sleeping with 2 of them at a time tho as the 3rd took a while to get there and the first became celibate with her after a while. Dating. What a concept. So much monogamy amoung youths today! 🙂

We rented The Center of the World last night [Friday]. Never seen it but I love Molly Parker. She was on fire erotic in it, along with that other woman Carla something…too tired to imdb her. So me and Ash and Megan are watching it and earlier in the night i was telling them both of how jealous i am of each of them. Gotta put the Jealousy monster on the table or it morphs into cancer.

And as the movie gets hotter and such, our libidos rise. I’m on a chair and Ash and Megan are on the couch snuggling, her sitting between his legs leaning on him and his likely rock hard cock. 🙂

His arm at one point moved from lying across her chest to feeling her boob. She smiled then moved it away. After weeks of hanging out together and with all our buds and her getting to know me and Ash’s relationship [which saw sex decline steadily, but not end totally], I figured she still wasn’t into being fondled in front of me.

And while Ash was clearly massaging her back with his cock, she wasn’t much into it. Until the end of the movie when we watch Molly masterbate. And we all get hot. Clearly!

During it, Ash’s hand finds Megan’s boob again and she’s not pushing it away. And his other hand is just sitting bewteen her thighs. And he says to me “Holly, can you open your top?”

Never one to pass up on that, I unbutton my flannel pj top and re-orient my body so i’m facing them, and i start my own rubbing. Mostly inside my jam bottoms, opened up a bit, with occasional breast work. And with this, Ash gets to work on Megan. Opening a button in her top, under her bra, and other hand onto her pussy. She opens her left leg up over his and leaves him room to rub her harder.

While it was Megan’s first time being sexually involved with more than her partner in the room, she was able to get into it ok. And then she came.

And i was on a high watching him get her off. It was beautiful. Made me really jealous of him.

And as she came back down, Ash slid out and came over to me and pulled out his cock to rub on my chest and then for me to suck.

I’m getting to a point of closure with Ash. And his cock. I’m half a semester away from leaving and it’s healthy to be disengaging like this.

After some sucking, Ash asked Megan to take off her pants and he left me and slid her thong aside and began sucking her. Then he said “do you want me in you?” and duh, she says yes. So he fucks her. Not particularly to drive me crazy, but in part to drive me crazy. 🙂

And I like them alot. And I’m happy they are bonded with each other. And I’m not angry along with my jealousy but I’m mostly sad at a phase of my life ending. And not that I want to keep everything as it is [tho i do a bit], i need to move on in my life. And working through my jealousy is a part of moving to the next chapter.

And Megan’s so sweet. Grrrr. 🙂 But I’m happy for them both.

And the moral of the story is that admitting jealousy clears the air of toxicity. It doesn’t always lead to partying, but it leads to healthier relationships.

And not that i’ve been free of tears, but they’ve been healthy tears, moving on.

Making it into the New Year…and Sex Parties.

ok, so major apologies for being away.

late november became the usual paper and exam crunch time

it was also [work] research projects due.

then it all ended and my body goes HEY, TIME TO GET SICK cuz the semester’s over. then it was sleep for a few says and some rehabilitory sex…that’s always fun…and it’s the holidays.

thanks for your emails about the holidays. some of you had interesting times…far more interesting than me. i envy you for that.

and those of you that have only HINTED at the fuck fests you’ve been in, especially ones surrounding church christmas pageant events…COME ON. you gotta gotta share. just SAYING you had good times is mean to me. look at what i put in here! and i won’t blog what you say without your permission. if you read all the way through this you’ll see that.

ok, then. time for some of you to fill in the details.

and for those of you who were forthcoming, thank you. i respect that. 🙂

i respect the rest of you too. 🙂

so after holidays with roommates/friends/boytoy it has been time to gear up for the new year. oh, and christmas was warm and spiritual in our home this year. even though my two female roomies aren’t so much into the religion thing, my gayboy roomie and i got to a new level of spiritual convergence. i loved that. unexpected but awesome. god works wonderfully.

so new year’s. i was talking tonight to a girl i know who’s a bit younger then me. we were talking about fuckfests/sex parties and such. i mentioned that i knew some girls in university [my first disastrous school i went to where i came out of my sexual and conservative christian shell] who got into sex parties in high school. not always intercourse orgies, but events where some of that happened, but lots of sucking and fingering and boys cumming on boobs.

my young friend tonight hasn’t been into that and i said that she should host a sex party. not like 40 people, but a few. folks who don’t necessarily want to swap bf/gf, but people who’d get off getting off with others getting off.

and she described to me a party she went to last night with 2 other couples. she was a 5th wheel. and i started asking her how it would have been if some nasty stuff got going.

i really think she should host a party like that.

ground rules:

– condoms
– full consensual activities
– acceptable to just watch others
– no swapping required
– some good booze and pot
– self-pleasure is acceptable
– leaving at any time is fine

and maybe some others if you can think of them.

so all this is all leading up to the point of the post: our new year’s sex party. it was me and my boytoy and my two female roomies in one of my roomies’ mom’s cabin. [they call them cottages here, i don’t know why]. lol

up there new year’s eve with enough booze and pot to last until last night. except i was the only one to bring pot because boytoy forgot it, tho he swears he packed it. that means the last day or so we were just mildly booze-buzzed instead of sublimed out.

so what was the sex party. i used to date one of my roomies. now we just fuck. my other roomie and me started fucking a little over a year ago. i was part of her bi initiation. and my two roomies also get on with each other. and of course, i fuck my boytoy, but neither of them do.

so, being the organizer of the week away, i ended up getting to fuck everyone. the perks of being the host: inviting all who you wanna get into.

and boytoy only fucked me. tho he fucked himself many a times while the rest of us were at it.

the sex tip here is that hosting a sex party with participants who are hyper-comfortable with each other and ground rules is an amazing time. ours lasted 4 days. and there was even a strange clarity that came from the last 2 nights with no pot. i gotta look into that some more i think.

and as part of my views of a christian-compatible sexlife, all 4 of us honoured ourselves and each other in our activities. there was always respect, always freedom, never compulsion, and always intimacy. it was a beautiful end to holidays before school swings back in on monday [well tuesday for me, thank god].

and as i send this to my young friend, i wish her good imaginings and hearty plannings for her first sex party. i recommend she [and all the rest of you] write out a wish list of all the things you’d like to get out of such a party. if it’s inviting a couple and 2 other singles over or 2 couples or whatever, figure out the best case scenario for what you wanna do with who and invite the people who can make that happen.

then, it’s not about setting up the party so you can get that, but looking at the other half of it all: who do you want to pleasure.

and the success of the party comes in the intersection of those things. people getting as much as they hope for and giving as much as they can.

that describes my week to a T. and i hope my young friend can get herself some nice teen cock, pussy and breasts before she grows too old. and as always, i’m open to her and anyone else who wants to talk more about the logistics of getting this all done.

becoming a respected sex party host is a wonderful thing. believe me.

in touch,
holly